tonight


tonight i almost went back to the past. i almost opened up the dusty trunk of memories. my mind was partly awakened, but my heart, it no longer felt a thing. i was this close, this close to regretting. this close to being ambushed by emotion. god i can hear you laughing 'you deserved it you nasty little biatch.' when you read this. that is, if you still read my blog, if you hadnt discarded everything already, torn up presents and photos into shreds...

we could have been the best of friends. we were. if only i had not liked you. but i did and you didnt. im sorry i did that, but i just had to. i dont wish for your forgiveness because to do that is to be weak. i hope you've gotten on fine. i am too, but i dont think youd give a damn.

i liked you too much for us not to be together. i hate losing a friend, but i hate losing myself again. call it fate if you will. i called it that so i dont have to regret, dont have to remember, dont have to hurt again.

i was not a mistake. it was my heart.