circadian rhythm

on finding out that i had been chosen for next summer's research exchange program, i sent a note to my friend currently studying in UK that i'll finally be able to visit her next year.

equally excited, she wrote back that i could pop over and added that she'll be graduating end june.

bam. it suddenly hit me right in the head (recall: external trauma to the skull is a common cause of epidural hemorrhage.. arggh.) that MY FRIENDS ARE GRADUATING NEXT YEAR!

that fact had entirely slipped my mind ever since i sheathed myself in this cocoon of a medical school approximately 2 years ago.

since then the rest of the world promptly moved on as i continued on in my very own circadian rhythm of medical metamorphosis.

gee. calendar days dont matter anymore, except in relation to upcoming tests and exams. hours of the day are counted in reference to the amount of material and chapters covered in the recent lectures (NEUROSCIENCE! IMMUNOLOGY! MICROBIOLOGY! HISTOLOGY!!!)

breakfast, lunch and dinner are consumed whenever. usually in the form of 7-11 microwaveables, and the occasional maggi mee. in fact, i visit 7-11 so often that i've collected a ton of their 'hello kitty' stickers of which i hand over to my roommate so that to date, she has an entire shelf-ful of miniature figurines.

recently, in an attempt to save myself from kicking the bucket before i hit 40, i gave up sleeping at 3am. instead, i sleep at 10pm now, WAKING up at 3am, just in time to catch the most hardworking of my roommates crawling into bed. miraculously, i am more efficient during that ungodly hour. the only drawback is that.. god do i feel vampiric.

been reading this book of late -> "what i learned in medical school", and found a story that i could relate to. in it, the author laments about the way her life turned topsy turvy after heading to med school and ponders if, at the end of all the years and sacrifices, if it was worth it in the first place.

as she put so aptly, "whether we like it or not, we live in a society of point systems. there are different standards, and some things are worth more or less depending on who is keeping count. points are added or subtracted based on many things: appearance, personality, career, religion, connections. for some people, i may have gained points; yet in my world, i have lost fifteen points [read: 5 points off for going into med school, 10 points for signing with the navy, so says her traditional korean friend] for the choices i have made. i wonder if there is any way to win them back."

SOMEONE ONCE SAID, "to choose to do something is to choose not to do a thousand other things."

i couldnt have put it better myself.

so right now, as i make the choice of going back to counting progression of time by the practice questions i have to complete before neuroscience mid-terms at 6pm tonight, i am CONSCIOUSLY making the choice of not going back to sleep mummified by my snuggly blue blanket, spending time with family, reading.... you get the picture.

oh noble neuroscience.