Simon, the Dragonslaying Prince

AIEEEEEEEE! screamed Miffy, the slanty-eyed princess of the land of Chibiwinks, as the fire-breathing dragon limped towards her on monstrous 10-inch silver stilettos. she backed helplessly against the castle walls of cheese, which, to her utmost disappointment, began to melt under the sweltering heat of the dragon's flames.

"damnit," she muttered, remembering vaguely that Queer Creatures Channel did a special report on dragonslaying last month. "i knew i should have watched it."

and she really should have, for Princesses were categorized under the illustrious Personalities At Risk Of Strange And Inevitably Fatal Dragon Attacks List. top priority, no less.

with a sinking feeling (as her hand sunk into the East Cheese Wall), Miffy recalled that the favorite pre-dinner snack of the Total Control Dragon was Oriental Princess Dipped in Creamy Cheese (Peppercorn Optional). she closed her eyes, (an action that didnt take much time due to their tiny size)fully prepared to follow in the footsteps of Princess Kitty, Princess Dora, and the shortlived Princess Pika as she felt Total Control Dragon close in on her, mouth agape, and viscous drool falling.

just as the ferocious dragon was about to poke Miffy with his Limited Edition GoldPlated Bathroom Tap cum Escargot Fork, he felt a hint of pain on the small of his back.

he whipped around, and nearly lost his balance in doing so.

it was a peanut.

Simon stood proudly at the foot of the dragon (the left one, to be exact). he had in his hand, a myriad of nuts. the basic Peanut, Castrating Cashews, Poisonous Pistachios, and of course, the lethal Mexican Jumping Beans. not losing one moment, Simon flung the nuts at Total Control Dragon with his rapid fire catapult.

Plink! went the Peanuts. Plink! went the Cashews. Plink! went the Pistachios.

they all missed the dragon, all 100 tons of him completely.

unfortunately, Simon, despite being an awfully brave sort of Prince, was quite a scatterbrain. this time, he forgot his trusty glasses. "no wonder," muttered the disgruntled Prince. he had only one shot left. the Mexican Jumping Bean.

thankfully, Simon was rather skilled at the game of Puzzle Bobble. with a deft twist of the wrist, he aimed the bean 45 degrees to the right of the dragon's chest, left room for a 5% error, and fired.

the excited bean sailed through the air and wriggled into the dragon's vertigo-inducing stilettos. it has to be known at the dragon's archille's heel is... his archille's. as the bean wriggled and jumped effervescently in his pumps (1 size too big, as they were bought in the last Carrefour sale), the dragon convulsed with laughter and fell with a large THUMP onto the floor.

Total Control Dragon, being Total Control Dragon, wasnt fitted with anti-shock wares, and so that was that for the Total Control Dragon. (which incidentally, was the reason why it didnt go into mass production. for record purposes, the market was later dominated by Barney the Purple Dinosaur, much to the disgust of the Sesame Street muppets. but that is another story.)

upon hearing the jubilant news that Miffy was safe, Miffy's dad, the King of Chibiwinks offered Simon a selection of the choiciest girls in Geylang- the local entertainment street.

"no thanks, oh wise king. ive never cared much for choicy girls."

instead, he whispered his request to the King, who blushed and nodded his head vigorously in agreement.

and that was how the Land of Chibiwinks became the Land of Gaylang.

oh yeah, and the King and Simon lived happily ever after.


[edit: what happened to Miffy you ask? well she went and published her own series of children books. which werent very good so we'll just leave it at that.]