on the point of implants. (big thanks to robbie for bringing up this point in his column)

do you kno that having impressive frontal implants could actually ruin your marriage?

let's see now. for example, you went for a breast implant, and came out from surgery a few sizes larger, with your confidence pumped up. you feel proud of your assets for once and stride along the CBD ^^with wind... heheh i just couldn't resist! heheh remember the english error analysis?????? wuahahahaha Benjamin Franklin would have liked this^^. Anyhow, *steps back* I have side-tracked.

Ok so let's just assume that you have managed, by sheer size alone, to nab the guy of your dreams. (or so you think) Now, pause for a second please *pause*. Think. Why do you think he is marrying you? WHY?

Is it because of your wonderful, charming personality? Your integrity as a human being? The chances are ... HELL NO! And why again? Because all of your characteristics are overshadowed by the gleam of the huge piece of silicon inside your chest. I'm not saying that guys are materialistic, estrogen-hungry beings, I'm merely getting at the fact that hey, that meaty piece of you is getting too distracting for anyone to notice what else you have to offer.

And remember, taking into consideration the fact that the guy DID marry you for your beautiful alignment of the body (more like mutated, but anyways), that one day, those hefty pieces of silicon are going to degrade. Even without them degenerating, YOU are going get old, being devoid of all your life-giving estrogen. Menopause is going to come in, and you are going to wither under the age of time. Keeping in mind that your man did marry you for your wares, does it not make sense that he will leave you then?

He did NOT marry you for your sense of humor, your optimism. He merely bought you with a well-crafted diamond and chained you with a ring for his solitary enjoyment. Does that make you feel all proud and confident now? You are, unfortunately, but a toy. And when toys get old and ugly... they end up in the bin.

Look at Pamela Anderson. No one even looks at her acting skills anymore, because everyone looks at her gargantuan chest. And why did she remove her implants? (besides for being all leaky and life-threatening) Because she knows that she was but a woman with nothing but a very big chest.

And my mom knows a friend who went for a boob job, and before she even started plodding her way down the yellow brick road of super-sized undergarments, she kicked the bucket.*ka-plonk*

Actually she was allergic to the anesthetic, but that's another story altogether.

**
Just wondering, but did anyone ever think of getting implants for their ample bottoms? I mean, other than making you look like a real cow (TOTALLY coincidental use of terms by the way), it would really offer comfortable, durable forms of cushioning. Kinda like sitting on a fartee cushion i would expect, but without the fartee. wuuahahah oh dear i better stop this random musing, or else bum implants might really become the problem of the future.