fiddly dum.

once in awhile, my type A personality rears its ugly head and i get ridiculously competitive over something that is beyond my control. something which, previously, when competition was absent, i didn't really give much thought to.

and now, i am still sitting in the dust of disbelief, watching the clouds of truth settle. i have lost, completely and absolutely. i feel like saying mean things out of spite, but i know i shouldnt. it doesnt amount to anything in the end, anyway - vindictiveness never pays.

but for the life of me i cannot imagine WHY. except that perhaps i lent a helping hand (read: nudge) in that direction some time ago. perhaps i delude myself.

well. its funny though, because while the part of my brain higher up on the evolution ladder evaluated the pros and cons of being, it didnt really seem feasible. yet now, it seemed ridculous, laughable even, that i should even consider otherwise.

yup im definitely going out of my mind. i expect that the whole thing should blow over in a few days or so. then i can go back to my own sweet way of not caring.