The seventh year itch
even after so many hit and misses, i am reminded of the fact that one never becomes truly calloused in the face of love. you can pretend that youre beyond all of this, but when the night comes and the lights dim, theres always the desperate hope that there would be a person next to you to hold you. to hug you, to say that it will be all ok.
Labels: maudlin
12more hours to go before its over! last duty night in hemaonco. medical education should commence in a clinical setting i tell you. two months since internships hav begun and alr i hhav learnt more and faster than i hav ever done. perhaps my lack of enthusiasm in uni days played a part too.. heh. but still! if only they taught with a more practical angle, eperhaps all the jargon would be easier to digest. today i chickened out of venipuncture again for blood culture. doh.. when will i ever learn! arterial punctures are like a snap of the finger to me at this point in time, and a convenient escape from thehumiliation of a failed procedure and awkwardness of having to say, uh yeah could we do that again? but it will eventually hav to stop. anyhow. really honored to hv the opportnity to be taught by dr lin on rounds, altho i cant answer half his question, much to my own chagrin. i think it is remarkable, the way he looks at life, and even more amazing is how he is able to talk abt any med related subject like the back of his palm in a clear and well-organized manner. now THAT is being well-versed in the subject. meh? absolutely quivering in trepidation at my embarassingly shortfused memory.
Labels: hematology, musings, oncology, teachers, venipuncture
of late, ive began to see the world of medicine as a sinister void with never-ending hunger for time. it lures people with the promise of job satisfaction, social status, and to a lesser extent monetary gain (almost laughable, but anyway) knowledge seekers driven by their insatiable thirst for medical nevada head straight down into the funnel that is medical education. in exchange for piecemeal knowledge, you give up, bit by tiny bit, elements of your personal life. sometimes outrightly, with oncalls ten days out of a month. other times it nibbles away at your social life.. no i cant go out today, i have yet to finish the chapter on hematology. until eventually you find yourself on a lonely island of professional knowledge, and the rest of civilisation miles away. your friends they forget you exist and your loved ones, oh they dont love you so much any more, because in your quest for knowledge you hav sacrificed time spent with them. and eventually you get lost in the huge machinery that is the hospital, a tiny, expendable headcount in the vast sea of others just like you. it is already happening now.
